ALONE AGAIN, NATURALLY

Sometimes, okay oftentimes, I think I am my best self when unattached. Back in 1974, I was standing in the vestibule of Our Lady of the Wayside church in Portola Valley, CA. My dad was holding my arm, and we were about to walk up the aisle. I was getting married. Me. I looked my dad in the eyes and said, "Tell me something funny. I've got to get to the other end of this runway." He said, "Colleen is getting married!" and cracked open this huge smile. Now, you have to know my dad. He didn't smile all that often. I smiled back at him, and knew there was truth in the joke. Not that many years before, I had sworn I would never marry, yet here I was, about to marry a very nice guy who was 12 years my senior and a Republican. Oh, sweet David. He was a good man. We couldn't stick it out, but we liked each other and remained on good terms until his death in 2001. That was the same year my dad died. It was also the year my next "husband" left my daughters and me. I had proposed several times, but Daniel repeatedly turned me down. Yeah. Did I mention I tend to be masculine in my approach to romance? It's happened time and again. I say what I want, and get asked to leave. I want equality. I want an intimate friend. I want passionate devotion to a third being... the "us" of a loving relationship. Right about now, I'm thinking that may be a moot point. My life is good, as is. I have two strong daughters, work hard at a job I love, own my townhouse, and my life is rich with friendships, male and female. Love? Well, bring it on if you've got it, but I'm not holding my breath. I've got the Jeff Beck Group, Rough and Ready, playing in the background, a glass of 2010 Bordeaux in hand, and a couple of dear friends who are texting me simultaneously from Lake Tahoe, St. Thomas, and Charlotte, North Carolina. How amazing is that?! I can't complain. Life is good... and I always kind of thought I'd be alone.