Part-time "wifey" jobs. The concept may be illegal, but it is still in practice. Many  men and women who have spent the last 20 years gaining credentials and wisdom toward bettering their careers have been relegated to part-time work, as if we had a "provider" at home who earned the mainstay of our income and had no need of retirement benefits. How can a business continue to promote part-time work as a benefit, rather than the financial drag it is? Several years ago, I was told my hours would be cut back. My immediate supervisor asked me, "Isn't your relationship with your boyfriend getting more serious? You'll be moving in soon, won't you?" As if that was an answer to my cut in pay. There are 8 women working in my department, all part-time and all needing to supplement their income with outside employment in order to pay daily living expenses. We receive neither pensions, nor 401K benefits. Oh sure, we could contribute to our 401K's without matching employer funds, but unfortunately, we all need every penny of our part-time income to try to make ends meet. I am 62 years old and have no pension and no retirement account. I have a little equity in my home, which devoured my savings when I purchased it 10 years ago. Naturally, I thought my income would increase, not decrease over the ensuing years. 
By hiring part-time workers, businesses are able to skirt around employee benefit packages set up during the Years of Plenty. New regulations need to be put in place for part-time workers who need health and retirement benefits. It may be too late for me, but for those men and women coming into middle age now, it may prevent a lapse into poverty later in life. I will be one of many Baby Boomers dependent on Social Security, or taking up some youngster's place in the job market well into my dotage. Of course, I tell all my friends that I cannot retire until I'm 83 when my 30 year mortgage will be paid off. Yes, it took me until I was 53 to purchase a home. So much for the marriage and a mortgage American Dream. I am single, in my sixties, and struggling -- and I am not alone.

I spent the whole of this morning in bed. Aside from cooking dinner for a friend tonight, I have no agenda. My phone sits on my bedside table, so I reached for it early on, and answered a few emails. Then, I went on Facebook and read several longish posts and links before rolling over and going back to sleep. Ah, the sweet laziness of an unscheduled morning! And what dreams come during this 'tween-time sleep! People I want to meet, places I've never been, experiences that will never be ...  They all came so naturally, and with such a rush of confidence, that I was disoriented upon awakening. I sat up, startled, and whispered, "Oh!" I mean, was it possible this darkened, womb-like bedroom was really my home? Well, it is. And I'm awake now. I must reconcile myself to the mundane. But here's the thing... those dreams are now a part of me. Miraculous meetings with great souls do occur, though sometimes on another plane. I met a person of undetermined gender, who guided my path through stars, and then left me there to circle amid the stars upon my own pivot point, taking my place within the Universe. I had this dream once before about twenty years ago, when my personal axis was wobbling, and I needed to be reminded of our connectedness to a calm, universal strength. This dream felt like coming home.  

So, could anything be more tedious than to hear another person relate their dreams to you? Well, perhaps that is because dreams are brain-born sparks, so personal and self-determined, that only the dreamer may truly intuit their meaning. I won't attempt that interpretation here and now, nor would I bore you with the dream details, but I am changed for the better. I don't know - perhaps we cannot know the depths of another person's mind, but I wonder, can we glean a little insight from their experiences or dreams? Sometimes, just having someone listen to you helps clarify your own thoughts. We are all connected for a reason, and that reason is Understanding. 

So my morning was something of a wash that looks a lot like laziness - when viewed from the outside as a wasted morning in bed. But it has been a most productive morning for me, here on the inside. My reserves of strength have been replenished, like rain filling an empty cistern, like coming home to oneself. I wish you sweet dreams, my friend. And if you'd like to share them with me, I will listen. 
~ Colleen

REIKI I & II... Plus a Universal Life Ministry:
I've taken the Reiki I & II courses, and I have signed on as a Universal Life minister. So, here is my take on the practice:

I love the peaceful feeling of Reiki healing. It feels like loving attention, and perhaps that is exactly what it is. The practitioner, I would assume a person of goodwill, pours all of his/her concentration onto the person receiving treatment. I learned a hands-on technique, though there is also a school of Reiki that teaches the practitioner to keep the hands hovering just above the body. The hands-on approach is something akin to a slow motion, fully-clothed massage. Hands are placed on the part of the body in physical discomfort, or a corresponding chakra for emotional needs. I had lost my voice, so my Reiki teacher placed her hands close to, but not directly on my throat, so I wouldn't feel choked or threatened. In this practice, the hands are left in place for at least 5 minutes, sometimes much longer, and the contact means heat is built up and a tingling sensation arises. The Reiki practitioner spends an hour hovering over or placing hands upon different parts of the body, concentrating energy into each location. If you meditate, imagine another person meditating with and about you. It is an act of love. The Reiki practioner calls upon spiritual guidance to move his/her hands to the area of blocked energy. If you believe in Chi meridians, Chakras, and Spririt Guides, that belief will enliven your experience. If you understand the neuroscience of meditation, Reiki will double the effect. I could speak after my treatment; that was the physical effect. After participating in my Reiki coursework, I felt relaxed and elated. Calmness is built into the practice. So, would I recommend it? Sure, why not? The attention is delicious. Would I become a Reiki Master? No. I am a secular humanist. While there is much we cannot see, and much we cannot understand about our universe and our place in it, I have yet to buy into any one spiritual system of belief. Reiki draws upon the practitioner's and the recipient's mutual belief in one particular unseen dimension of spirits and energy fields. I, on the other hand, see Reiki as a subjective body-work practice. 

As for becoming a minister in the humanist Universal Life Ministry, that was also a part of the Reiki learning experience. In order to legally touch another human being, one must either be a licensed body worker, medical professional, or a minister - the whole "laying on of hands" thing. I had to sign up as a minister. Then, when my ULM card arrived in the mail, it occurred to me I could perform wedding ceremonies. What a wonderful thing! I will never be a practitioner of Reiki, except to place my hands on a friend who asks for and desires a healing touch. Reiki is just something I was curious about and wanted to learn. But if any of you would like a friend to officiate at your wedding, just let me know. That would be an honor and pure joy. Ah, life. The sweet mystery... It is well worth celebrating! 

No need to insult
No need to rehash the past
It is good and done

Have you ever felt so lost you thought you'd never find your way back? I have no sense of direction. Truth. My daughters will tell you, driving in the car with me through unfamiliar territory, especially downtown San Francisco, was not a comfortable proposition. I learned not to swear in front of my children, calling the offending drivers Sweetheart, as in "Go or don't go, Sweetheart! Make up your mind!" Sometimes they were Dear, as in "We takes turns at stop signs, Dear! Are you trying to kill us all?" Most of the time, these infractions wouldn't turn my head, but when I am feeling lost, everything negative is amplified. And I guess the same is true when our lives feels unchartered. 

Is there a road map for this journey? Oh, how I have longed for a Navigator! But we must each travel our own roads with only a few compass points to guide us - Kindness, Connection, Wisdom, and Love. When we steer off course, negativity can be overwhelming. And I wonder, when I call my ex lovers Sweetheart or Dear, am I still conflating anger and confusion with endearments? Now that my children are grown, I've reverted to swearing again, so those little terms should have been put back into conventional use. If I'm still using the words dear and sweetheart with a bitter edge, perhaps it's time to clean up my vocabulary and lovingly accept those people who may have disappointed me in the past. The disappointment is on me, not them. They have their own paths to follow; it isn't their job to make my life any easier. And each person I have loved has been dear to me in one way or another. I will accept that. And accept divergent paths as a fact. 

Once in a while, when I've followed someone else's lead in a situation or relationship, my confidence has waned. And wobbly self-esteem leads to poor decision-making.  Divergent paths aren't evil, they're just different ways of living. And dead ends are just that, dead. Change is never easy, but truth be told, if we realize that our authentic self is no longer being served in any relationship or situation, we must change the situation, change our attitude, or leave.(Thank you, Eckhart Tolle.) No one knows exactly where they're going until they get there. When other people, time, and places are involved, life gets messy. Yet sometimes, hallelujah, we serendipitously find ourselves on parallel paths. How beautiful is that? The dear and sweet people in my life who traveled in another direction deserve my respect. I look forward to seeing all of you out there on the road ... and I won't call you names. I'll be polite. 
~ Colleen