Menopause is a lovely thing. Don't let anyone fool you into thinking it's a time of ugly inevitability. Trust me, the age-talkers just want to sell you some youth elixir or age-defying makeup. Do you really want to be or look that young and wide-eyed foolish again? Do you want to pretend to be a 60 year old porn star? Puh-leeze! Menopause allows women to pull away from the need for men's approval, and pay attention to their own rich lives. For years, I fought the angry angel of relationship. I wanted perfect love and equality. I wanted to be chosen and cherished. Ha! All of those things are mine to give myself.
Finally, I know what I really want: Self-rule, comfort, fun, a sense of purpose, and many different kinds of love. Any men in that list? Certainly, but not in an exclusive, romantic relationship. I'm not playing that game today. I dress for myself. My schedule is my own. I can be as productive or as lazy as I feel. I can get in the car and drive to the beach or the mountains when the urge strikes. I can wear my pajamas all day or dress for the opera and go alone. And all of this freedom does not preclude me from calling a friend and inviting him or her to join me. At the end of an eventful evening, I can go home to my own little bed, or slip under someone else's sheets if I feel the invitation is open and genuine. My prerogative. I don't need a man embedded in my life for that. The door to my life is designed for ingress and egress. For now, being single works well for me. Tomorrow? I'm not there yet, and I'm certainly not going to write myself out of the next good thing in my life by creating some sort of Rules to Live By agenda. My list of "wants" is universal.
My advice to myself: Take life as it comes. It's the rules that screw us up. As soon as one decides "I'm going to live my life this way or that way," we get trapped in a morass of idealistic nonsense. Why write rules to live by now, when those rules may be obsolete next week? For a while, I wanted a man to love me enough to marry me. When that didn't pan out, I decided I would live my life as a proud, independent, single woman. Somehow, choosing one way or another seemed important. Hmmph. It's all kind of silly. Why not love my life today the way my life is today? At the moment, I am single and proud. There is no script for tomorrow.
Finally, I know what I really want: Self-rule, comfort, fun, a sense of purpose, and many different kinds of love. Any men in that list? Certainly, but not in an exclusive, romantic relationship. I'm not playing that game today. I dress for myself. My schedule is my own. I can be as productive or as lazy as I feel. I can get in the car and drive to the beach or the mountains when the urge strikes. I can wear my pajamas all day or dress for the opera and go alone. And all of this freedom does not preclude me from calling a friend and inviting him or her to join me. At the end of an eventful evening, I can go home to my own little bed, or slip under someone else's sheets if I feel the invitation is open and genuine. My prerogative. I don't need a man embedded in my life for that. The door to my life is designed for ingress and egress. For now, being single works well for me. Tomorrow? I'm not there yet, and I'm certainly not going to write myself out of the next good thing in my life by creating some sort of Rules to Live By agenda. My list of "wants" is universal.
My advice to myself: Take life as it comes. It's the rules that screw us up. As soon as one decides "I'm going to live my life this way or that way," we get trapped in a morass of idealistic nonsense. Why write rules to live by now, when those rules may be obsolete next week? For a while, I wanted a man to love me enough to marry me. When that didn't pan out, I decided I would live my life as a proud, independent, single woman. Somehow, choosing one way or another seemed important. Hmmph. It's all kind of silly. Why not love my life today the way my life is today? At the moment, I am single and proud. There is no script for tomorrow.
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