Intention, 2016
When it comes to the men in my life, I have not chosen well. So, I ask myself, “Why not? I am a reasonable woman who has a lot to offer.” Often friends will tell me a love relationship is a matter of timing, and I think they’re right, but not in the way they intended. I think it’s a matter of personal timing. I look for a mate when I am hurt or feeling low. I want someone to care for me in a wounded-bird kind of way. For example, I think I need a new man in my life when I am in the throes of despair from a broken love affair. I think I need a rich man in my life when my finances are in disarray. And I think I need a caring man in my life when I am physically hurt or sick. Then, I get over the loss, save up a little cash, and my body heals. Where’s that big drive for a full-time lover then? Well, it may not be gone altogether, but it’s definitely not as compelling. Obviously, I’ve been open to lovers for the wrong reasons in times of personal weakness. This is not the best time to make a decision about anything, let alone who will inhabit the days of one’s life. My intention this year is to marry myself; to take care of myself in sickness and in health, to cherish my thoughts and deeds, and to be there, living a strong, vibrant life everyday till the day I die. That’s a promise. I bought a meditation spinner ring with a barbed wire design for my “promise ring.” The barbed wire is a reminder to keep my boundaries strong, and wait for a man who is willing to fight his way through my defenses to win my heart. And if he never shows up, I have lived a beautiful solo life and wear a ring to prove it.
When it comes to the men in my life, I have not chosen well. So, I ask myself, “Why not? I am a reasonable woman who has a lot to offer.” Often friends will tell me a love relationship is a matter of timing, and I think they’re right, but not in the way they intended. I think it’s a matter of personal timing. I look for a mate when I am hurt or feeling low. I want someone to care for me in a wounded-bird kind of way. For example, I think I need a new man in my life when I am in the throes of despair from a broken love affair. I think I need a rich man in my life when my finances are in disarray. And I think I need a caring man in my life when I am physically hurt or sick. Then, I get over the loss, save up a little cash, and my body heals. Where’s that big drive for a full-time lover then? Well, it may not be gone altogether, but it’s definitely not as compelling. Obviously, I’ve been open to lovers for the wrong reasons in times of personal weakness. This is not the best time to make a decision about anything, let alone who will inhabit the days of one’s life. My intention this year is to marry myself; to take care of myself in sickness and in health, to cherish my thoughts and deeds, and to be there, living a strong, vibrant life everyday till the day I die. That’s a promise. I bought a meditation spinner ring with a barbed wire design for my “promise ring.” The barbed wire is a reminder to keep my boundaries strong, and wait for a man who is willing to fight his way through my defenses to win my heart. And if he never shows up, I have lived a beautiful solo life and wear a ring to prove it.
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