I was starting to believe there was something wrong with me that prevented the men I loved from wanting me wholeheartedly. Then, I realized there was something wrong with them. And then, I realized there was something wrong with me.
Gratitude:
You didn’t have the balls
To claim me
Now I have a pair of my own
(Inspired by "A Thank You Letter to the Men Who Didn't Have the Balls to Claim me by Kate Rose, Elephant Journal, June 25, 2015)
“Perhaps I’ve never truly loved. I guess that is the truth.” Joni Mitchell
To respect and truly love someone you have to acknowledge their differences and faults, and still love them. ~ cfd
I have always made excuses for the men I love. I covered up or lied about their shortcomings in a way that negated who they really were. That’s akin to putting Women on a pedestal, but not respecting or loving one particular woman, because she can't measure up to an airbrushed image of grace and beauty. Idealizing women is misogynistic. Women are human beings. We deserve love, as is. It is our flaws that make us beautiful.
Well, I am guilty of misandry. I invented the men with whom I fell in love. I gave them talents and qualities they did not possess. I made excuses for their cold or inappropriate behavior to make them seem better than they were. I crafted the hollow image and poured my love into that vessel. Why would any man stay with me if there's no way he could measure up to my idealized image of him? What if he thought I loved my own creation more than him? He'd be right. I loved my pedestaled Frankenlovers. Looking back, the relationships, themselves, were more important to me than the men. And why would I bother crafting these stories about how "misunderstood" these men were, rather than face the fact that they were obviously the wrong men for me? Could it be that age-old need for security?
With this admission, how could I not support the Equal Rights Amendment? I am the equal of any man. I am as guilty and flawed as any man. I am human. Women should not be a protected class. We are not delicate flowers needing to be "minded" by men who presume to know our bodies and lives better than we do. Nor should women be exempted from the constitutional rights and responsibilities of our democracy. Times have changed. No longer do men scoop up young women for wives and promise to “love and keep them.” The pedestal has been knocked down, and rightfully so. We must work to support ourselves, our children, our aging parents, and a secure retirement. Therefore, we must be able to choose whether or not the time is right for a pregnancy. We must earn equal wages and gender-appropriate benefits. We must have easy access to free, quality child care, and elder care in order to earn and keep the wages we deserve. We must occupy 50% of the government posts in this country to ensure these rights. We need the Equal Rights Amendment. Women deserve the constitutional right to argue, earn, write laws, and control our personal destinies with vigor equal to that of any man. We must provide for our own security. And then… we can truly love.
~ Colleen
Gratitude:
You didn’t have the balls
To claim me
Now I have a pair of my own
(Inspired by "A Thank You Letter to the Men Who Didn't Have the Balls to Claim me by Kate Rose, Elephant Journal, June 25, 2015)
“Perhaps I’ve never truly loved. I guess that is the truth.” Joni Mitchell
To respect and truly love someone you have to acknowledge their differences and faults, and still love them. ~ cfd
I have always made excuses for the men I love. I covered up or lied about their shortcomings in a way that negated who they really were. That’s akin to putting Women on a pedestal, but not respecting or loving one particular woman, because she can't measure up to an airbrushed image of grace and beauty. Idealizing women is misogynistic. Women are human beings. We deserve love, as is. It is our flaws that make us beautiful.
Well, I am guilty of misandry. I invented the men with whom I fell in love. I gave them talents and qualities they did not possess. I made excuses for their cold or inappropriate behavior to make them seem better than they were. I crafted the hollow image and poured my love into that vessel. Why would any man stay with me if there's no way he could measure up to my idealized image of him? What if he thought I loved my own creation more than him? He'd be right. I loved my pedestaled Frankenlovers. Looking back, the relationships, themselves, were more important to me than the men. And why would I bother crafting these stories about how "misunderstood" these men were, rather than face the fact that they were obviously the wrong men for me? Could it be that age-old need for security?
With this admission, how could I not support the Equal Rights Amendment? I am the equal of any man. I am as guilty and flawed as any man. I am human. Women should not be a protected class. We are not delicate flowers needing to be "minded" by men who presume to know our bodies and lives better than we do. Nor should women be exempted from the constitutional rights and responsibilities of our democracy. Times have changed. No longer do men scoop up young women for wives and promise to “love and keep them.” The pedestal has been knocked down, and rightfully so. We must work to support ourselves, our children, our aging parents, and a secure retirement. Therefore, we must be able to choose whether or not the time is right for a pregnancy. We must earn equal wages and gender-appropriate benefits. We must have easy access to free, quality child care, and elder care in order to earn and keep the wages we deserve. We must occupy 50% of the government posts in this country to ensure these rights. We need the Equal Rights Amendment. Women deserve the constitutional right to argue, earn, write laws, and control our personal destinies with vigor equal to that of any man. We must provide for our own security. And then… we can truly love.
~ Colleen
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