No need to insult
No need to rehash the past
It is good and done
Have you ever felt so lost you thought you'd never find your way back? I have no sense of direction. Truth. My daughters will tell you, driving in the car with me through unfamiliar territory, especially downtown San Francisco, was not a comfortable proposition. I learned not to swear in front of my children, calling the offending drivers Sweetheart, as in "Go or don't go, Sweetheart! Make up your mind!" Sometimes they were Dear, as in "We takes turns at stop signs, Dear! Are you trying to kill us all?" Most of the time, these infractions wouldn't turn my head, but when I am feeling lost, everything negative is amplified. And I guess the same is true when our lives feels unchartered.
Is there a road map for this journey? Oh, how I have longed for a Navigator! But we must each travel our own roads with only a few compass points to guide us - Kindness, Connection, Wisdom, and Love. When we steer off course, negativity can be overwhelming. And I wonder, when I call my ex lovers Sweetheart or Dear, am I still conflating anger and confusion with endearments? Now that my children are grown, I've reverted to swearing again, so those little terms should have been put back into conventional use. If I'm still using the words dear and sweetheart with a bitter edge, perhaps it's time to clean up my vocabulary and lovingly accept those people who may have disappointed me in the past. The disappointment is on me, not them. They have their own paths to follow; it isn't their job to make my life any easier. And each person I have loved has been dear to me in one way or another. I will accept that. And accept divergent paths as a fact.
Once in a while, when I've followed someone else's lead in a situation or relationship, my confidence has waned. And wobbly self-esteem leads to poor decision-making. Divergent paths aren't evil, they're just different ways of living. And dead ends are just that, dead. Change is never easy, but truth be told, if we realize that our authentic self is no longer being served in any relationship or situation, we must change the situation, change our attitude, or leave.(Thank you, Eckhart Tolle.) No one knows exactly where they're going until they get there. When other people, time, and places are involved, life gets messy. Yet sometimes, hallelujah, we serendipitously find ourselves on parallel paths. How beautiful is that? The dear and sweet people in my life who traveled in another direction deserve my respect. I look forward to seeing all of you out there on the road ... and I won't call you names. I'll be polite.
~ Colleen
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